Why It Hurts Now, and Not Then

My parents divorced when I was six years old. I moved out with my mom into a new house in the summer between kindergarten and first grade. I don’t think I was truly even aware of what was going on. It didn’t hurt because my mom and dad still lived only a mile from each other. I could ride my bike to my dad’s house at any time. It worked and I still had my parents around.

Then my mom moved me thirty minutes away from my dad when I was fifteen. Then I became aware of what divorce really was. I learned why they divorced. I learned what it felt like for my parents to be truly separate. Then I thought about my parents being grandparents one day. I have grandparents that are still together, Daddy Hayes and Mama Lil. But my kids won’t have that (at least not from my side of the family). It hurts to know that.

The brokenness of my family, the separateness, I can only take it as a lesson learned. I am going to go back to what Leo said in The Vow, “I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love.” Marriage is a one-time only deal. I wish I could fix things, but I can’t. And it was powerful to me when someone told me that “it’s not your job to fix the family.” I’ve been trying to put pieces together, but I’m pretty sure that I’m fighting a losing battle. So I can’t dwell on their divorce, I can only take it as a lesson learned.



My parents' wedding in 1987