A Slap In The Face

I won’t lie, this has affected me greatly. It’s changed me and my wellness, physically and mentally, for the worse. Those people that can go through something like this and keep their head held high? Well awesome for them, but I’m just not like that. I’ve gone to school for two weeks now, and it sucks. My senior year SUCKS. It’s funny that there is this reputation that senior year is supposed to be freaking awesome. Well that’s life slapping me hard in the face.

Nothing is the same anymore, meaning it’s a BAD ‘nothing is the same’. I can’t do anything on the weekends, and I’ve gotten to the point where I’d rather do nothing anyway. I can no longer go see people after school. Nope, instead I go straight home to my room, alone. I used to get coffee from Starbucks almost every morning before school with my sister, but I can’t do that anymore because 1) I can’t drive and 2) my sister isn’t here. All of this is one huge slap in the face, but I have to remember that this was my fault, and there’s no one else to blame. I hold myself accountable for my actions, but this, my life, still sucks majorly.

Life was rough before all this happened, but now it sucks even more. But I returned from the beach with a new attitude. And I quote from July 11 journal entry: “The end of the week was great and honestly I feel f***ing awesome right now, honestly and truly I do.” I returned on July 12 ready to start my life again with joy and new reasoning. But nope, life slapped me in the face... again.

And I don’t see myself years from now, looking back and thinking, “Wow I am thankful for that experience.” No way, never will I be thankful for this. It’ll hang over my head as a burden for the rest of my existence. I will fake smiles and keep waking up in the morning, just to reassure my family and friends that I’m still okay. At a minimum, I guess I’m okay.