Disappointment

Another week of school is done, and I’m thankful that I get to do nothing over the weekend (no sarcasm intended). I entitled this post disappointment because well honestly, this week was disappointing. And at the end of it, I realize that I’m just some mediocre kid. I have nothing outstanding to show anyone. I have no awesome grades. I’m just not an exceptional person; I’m just mediocre. And I’ll be content with that for now because I have no ambitions anymore. I started thinking about this whole mediocre concept when I heard the quote: “I will not settle for mediocrity.” Well, I’m settling because that’s the best I can do. I can’t live up to the all As, involved in a million extra-curriculars, and having outstanding awards.


I realized all of that when I received my class rank and GPA today. I’m in the bottom 50 percentile. I might even be in the bottom 25 percentile. I’m 324/477. My GPA is a 3.37. When I told my father that, he tried to hide his disappointment, but I could hear it in his voice.Those are my numbers, and that’s what colleges look at. I’m just some number and words on a piece of paper. They don’t care about your compassion for others and your own passions. I’ll get into college wherever I get into. I no longer have a desire to go to a reputable school. My desires were sucked dry this week, and it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I sent in my application for Radford University today, and if it comes down to it, I’ll just go there. I used to think, “Ew, I’m never going to Radford, that’s meant for the people that can’t get into college anywhere else.” Now that I’ve learned my class rank, my thoughts have changed. And at least my lovely sister goes there. I mean, I don’t expect myself to just get into Radford, but it’s always an option now.

I turned in my senior picture and senior quote this week. I’ll post the pictures when the photographer finishes editing all of them. But my senior quote was, “To believe with certainty we must first begin with doubting.” – Stanislaw Leszcsynski. It was between that quote and “I’ve been to the loony bin and back,” which has an important space in my heart because it was brother’s own original quote when he was a senior. I love my brother. But I went with the other quote because I doubt a lot. I don’t believe in anything with certainty, so I doubt.

This week was draining, long, and disappointing. I do feel a little disappointed in myself, but life never gave me lemons, so I couldn’t make lemonade. Wherever I go in life, I guess that’s just where I’ll go. Life goes on.